We live life in a moving car, except we’re not the ones driving it.
Our whole life we think we’re the driver, the ones in control, but that is an illusion. A dream.
When I was shaken awake by the universe, through a series of events that pulled me out of my slumber, I woke up to find myself in the back seat of this moving car. I had been asleep there this whole time.
So, who was driving the car?
A fictional character. A pre-programmed, ego-driven projection of a ‘me’ I thought I was. A character that had been moulded by her environment, parents, society and generations of unresolved trauma that were being played on repeat like a broken record, dictating her choices and behaviour, directing her route along the winding road that is life.
A character that was merely a mirage of her true self, but a character that was in the driver’s seat nonetheless, controlling the direction that the car was moving in and where it was taking her.
When I woke up, groggy and confused in the backseat of this car, I looked out of the windows for what seemed like the first time.
“Where the hell am I?”, I thought. “Who’s life is this?”
I could see my life clearly for the first time, the life my character had built, and it didn’t feel like my life. While I could recognize my surroundings, everything felt wrong and foreign. I knew that it wasn’t where I was supposed to be, but I also had no idea where it was that I was supposed to go.
I felt confused, lost, overwhelmed and out of control for the first time in my life.
I hadn’t yet realized that control was but an illusion, and that I was never really in control.
“How did I let myself get here? How did I let myself get in so deep? What am I supposed to do? Can’t I just stay and pretend like everything’s ok?”
As I fought with myself in the backseat of this car, tears streaming down my face, I knew I couldn’t stay here. I knew I needed to get myself out of the backseat and into the driver’s seat, taking hold of the steering wheel from this character I had allowed to dictate my life up until this point.
It was time to course correct.
To where? How? I didn’t really know. I just knew that this was what I needed to do.
So, I plucked up the courage and honesty it required to get myself into that driver’s seat. To face this character and disengage with her, unattach myself from her and release her, allowing her to fade away like the mirage that she was.
As I got settled into the driver’s seat, adjusting to my new surroundings and point of view, trying to figure out what all the buttons and gadgets did, I realized that the car was a smart car. It had a built-in navigation system that I could use to help me figure out where it was that I was supposed to go.
“But how do I get this thing to help me navigate? Which button do I need to press? Am I crazy for thinking that I can trust a car to direct me?”
My controlling tendencies tried to kick back in. I quickly realized that this was my character trying to regain control of the steering wheel, trying to lure me back into the comfortable backseat where I could lay my head down to rest, to fall back asleep into another deep slumber.
I snapped myself out of it and took a deep breath.
As I tried to ground myself and connect deeper within, I started getting subtle messages from the car. At first, it started as soft whispers but the more I listened, the more clearly I heard. I was learning it’s language. We were learning how to communicate with one another.
I learned that it was actually pretty simple to use this intelligent and intuitive GPS that was innate to the car. All I had to do was have a strong intention of what I wanted, of what was true to me, and then I needed to let go and trust.
Simple right? Definitely easier said than done.
Letting go and trusting is not something that came naturally to me, especially because it was so against the ways of my character. But there it was, the key to me changing course and allowing this smart car to help me get there.
I didn’t have to know how I was going to there or what “there” even looked like, all I needed to know was what the next step looked like, the next turn. And I knew it would become clear with time, that the car would show me when the time was right. All I would need to do was look out for this message, be open to receiving it and then have the courage to take action.
The more I learn about how the car operates, the more I can understand it’s language, the more effectively I can co-drive it to where I need to be, knowing that where I need to be is always exactly where I am.
Let go, trust and enjoy the ride – and be sure to take in the view along the way, for before you know it, it will soon pass.
Questions to reflect on